lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
