My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
