got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
