His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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