Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
