At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
ugly people sure do ruin things
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
