Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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