we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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