I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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