in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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