Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
