Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
