You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
