Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
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Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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