i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
