you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
...so i touched it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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