dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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