yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
