guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
my god I love twenty year old dicks
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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