had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
