Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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