I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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