I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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