I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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