Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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