im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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