If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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