i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
