dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
