ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
