you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
