is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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