Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
