It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
