So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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