here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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