i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
