I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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