and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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