This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
