just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
