She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
