Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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