I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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