today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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