Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
