Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I believe in your delicious
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
