Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Let's get the cat blown out
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
