He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
