oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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