Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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