i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
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There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
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I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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