"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
