I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
