i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
