birth control should be required to get into college
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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