I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
