I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
