Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
