I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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