Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize
