I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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