How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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