I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
