I wannas sexs uuuuu
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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