You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible