I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
this beer tastes like vomit already
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.