Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.