and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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