To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.