I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
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he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
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Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.