Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin