im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
