So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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