Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
