i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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