Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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