hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
