On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
