I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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