So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
