Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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