I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
