I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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